Day Sixty-Four Stops to Think; 2 Stop to Listen

I can hardly believe it's almost here - the end of this project AND my fiftieth birthday. It has certainly been a ride. As I near the end of this sixty-six day experiment, I have learned a lot. Here are a few things I can tell you tonight:

1. I've learned that I'm an optimist at heart. I've been masquerading as a pessimist in a misguided attempt to cope with life. But I've learned that I am much happier if I emphasize the positive in my life rather than focus solely on the negative.

2. I've learned that I sometimes let too much of life pass by, waiting for something else to happen, or writing off days if things seem awry. These sixty-six days have taught me to stop and focus on each day, especially the good things in each day.

3. I realize that setting goals for a specific time period has a tendency to drive me to action, but also to stress me out. It's a tightrope for me - when faced with a target date, I am compelled "to do" but also tend to obsess. My answer is to set goals but not always a deadline, work steadily, and document my progress (or else I will put the goal off and pretend I am going to do it in "tomorrow fantasy land").

4. I recognize the difference in my goals - these eight varied from a specific task (sidewalk) to the abstract (find new avenues instead of eating recklessly). The goals varied from things that probably could be done in sixty-six days (play ten rounds of golf), to others that realistically should take longer (run a half marathon in 2:30). I learned that I have to really look at each goal, and set parameters that will suit a particular goal both in time and in achievement.

5. I accept that I may not meet a goal in the way I think I should. But through that goal, I may achieve other goals that are more meaningful. While I wanted to run a half marathon in record time, I wouldn't have learned as much about myself had that happened. I thought that each goal was an end unto itself; what I found is that each goal was a door to a whole lot of self-awareness.

6. I believe that my goals are not the sole essence of who I am. I am still working on believing that my goals are not me to those around me. I announced my goals and intentions to anyone who would listen, then worried what those people would think if I didn't make these goals. I still struggle with that, wondering if they are disappointed in me. But it's okay, because it helps me feel human and not some machine that has to keep achieving to be meaningful.

7. By focusing on these goals, I have learned their importance to me, as well as their fears. Maybe it has taken me a while to finish my book because I'm a little afraid of what I will do once I feel it is finished. Maybe losing weight wasn't as important as playing golf. I realize that there is more to my goals than just the end result - there are other elements at play in each one. By really looking at any goal I set, I can understand more about how to reach it, and more about me.

So that's what I've thought about tonight. I still have two more days, but tomorrow will be my last post for this blog, because I will be leaving for the Twin Cities 3-Day. Tomorrow I will share my final thoughts on the eight and where this blog will go next.

It's been a good sixty-four days. I started out wanting to make changes in my life, and I have done that. I just had no idea what those changes would really mean.